Relationships – Nicholas Walker

Agony on the Ice

Nicholas Walker — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 21:35:01 +0000

It was a sunny day but Samantha was past feeling anything. The garden was very large and she wandered off down to where the pond was, there were chairs there and she was still feeling exhausted, she was flushing the sleeping pills Dr Lewis had prescribed down the toilet every night. There was a large swinging garden chair by the pond but when she reached it someone was already sitting in it. She froze and Alex rose to his feet. ‘What the hell?’ she demanded. ‘I thought I’d drop round,’ he said, trying to find something innocuous to say. ‘I told you to stay away,’ she said, ‘I told everybody I didn’t want to see you!’ ‘I wanted to see you.’ ‘Would you just go? Please.’ ‘This isn’t fair,’ he said. He tried to walk towards her but stopped when she flinched away from him. He spread his hands in appeal, ‘You owe me more than this.’ ‘I don’t owe you anything! We were partners, that’s all. Skating partners and now that’s all over and done.’ ‘We were more than that and you know it. I love you.’ ‘Well, I don’t love you! I don’t even like you.’ She held her head in her hands, ‘Just sod off why don’t you?’ ‘You’re my fiancée, we’re supposed to be getting married, planning our wedding.’ ‘Marry you? I’m not going to marry you!’ it was almost a snarl. She wrenched at the ring on her finger that he had given her, his grandmother’s ring, the expensive one. It stuck and she had to use her teeth and she finally dragged it free leaving her finger bleeding. She hurled it savagely at him and it bounced off his chest and into the flower beds. ‘Now just sod off!’ she said, and she turned and bolted back towards the house.

AutoB of a Short, Fat, Ugly Man: The Making of an Author

Nicholas Walker — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 20:47:29 +0000

I remember another incident much later on with Mr Griffiths. I sort of invented skiving off in about the third year but right back in the first year I stopped going to Geography. I hadn’t done a project as it was homework so as the teacher was very scary I hid in the toilets then I didn’t like to go back the following lesson and the more I stayed away the more the consequences piled up so the more I stayed away. I stayed away until the Fifth Form and then tragedy happened, Mrs Dark the teacher I was staying away from was tasked to write a report on me. She professed to having no idea who I was and I received the long awaited summons to Mr Griffith’s study.

He was standing there reading the report with a stunned expression on his face.

‘Walker,’ he said and now I knew I was in real trouble if he was calling me Walker.

‘Good Morning sir, and isn’t it a lovely one?’ I tried. He gave me a look.

‘You have been cutting Mrs Dark’s Geography lessons since the first year, correct?’

‘Spot on, sir,’ said I with nothing to lose.

‘I see. Well, as far as I can work out that means you have cut somewhere in the region of 348 lessons, yes?’

‘I can’t really help you there sir, I’m not very good at maths.’ I thought it better not to tell him I had recently been cutting Maths lessons as well.

‘Well, Nicknack…Walker,’ he said clutching at his forehead, ‘this leaves me with a bit of a problem. You see if a pupil cuts one lesson, they are made to copy up the whole lesson during detention.’

‘Seems fair enough to me, sir.’

‘Nicknack, shut up!’ he shouted losing it. He took a deep breath to bring himself back under control and after a minute continued in a more level tone, ‘For two lessons they are given the cane. For three they are put on home report.’ He lost it and started to dance around at this point, ‘I don’t know what the hell I am supposed to do about 348!!!’

I couldn’t think of anything to say that would improve the situation at this point. Now he seemed to have some sort of stroke and I watched him anxiously as he leaned over his desk fighting for breath, after all he wasn’t getting any younger. Gradually his bright red colour faded and he raised a trembling hand and pointed it at the door:

‘Go away you horrible boy!’

Like I said we all liked Mr Griffiths!

Autobiography of a Short, Fat, Ugly Man: Tears in the Rain

Nicholas Walker — Sun, 15 Aug 2021 00:39:21 +0000

The final book in this series takes Nick right up to the time he had a breakdown and ran away around the world on the QE2. The eight years he was married to his beautiful second wife when he was to learn just how disarming looks can be.

The Way To Wimbledon

Nicholas Walker — Sun, 09 May 2021 00:29:52 +0000

Penny gritted her teeth. She had lost the first set and was 4 – 5 down in the second. This new girl only had to hold her serve to take the match. But Penny had been there before, there was no way she was going to let this tournament slip away from her. Her opponent, Moira Lloyd-Roberts, was waiting placidly at the base line as Penny took up her position, standing well back, praying that just for once this remarkable service would break down. Moira served, the ball dipped over the net, hit the very inside of the service court and was gone. Penny blinked. She had hardly seen it, let alone got around to playing a shot. ‘15 – love,’ said the umpire. Penny trooped over to the other side but the same thing happened again and it was the third service before she even got her racquet to the ball. She returned it cross court and, as usual, Moira waited on the base line and just pushed it back over the net. Penny came charging in and volleyed and Moira lobbed it beautifully over Penny’s head into the very back of the court. ‘Out,’ shouted the girl who was the line judge on Penny’s side, but she wasn’t in the best position to see because there was only one line judge per side. Penny relaxed and waited for the score to be called. The umpire cleared his throat. ‘No, the ball was good,’ he said. ‘40 – love.’ ‘What?’ demanded Penny. ‘It was called out.’ ‘The ball was good,’ the umpire repeated. ‘Play on, please.’ ‘It looked out to me and I’m nearer than you,’ Penny protested. ‘At least play a let.’ ‘The ball was good!’ the umpire said, this time more sternly. Penny marched over to him. Moira was still standing behind her base line, idly bouncing a ball on her racquet. ‘Now listen here,’ Penny said angrily. ‘You can’t do that now. It makes it match point!’ ‘I can’t take into consideration what stage the match has reached,’ the umpire said. ‘Now, if you don’t play on I’ll have to award a penalty point.’ ‘A penalty point? On match point!’ Penny stormed. ‘Why, you, you…’

Last Tango

Nicholas Walker — Fri, 07 May 2021 00:40:54 +0000

The edge of the door came closer but now the control of the crowd was breaking and the order of earlier was slipping away and people were pushing in front of her. Then Rabbi Ariel spoke to them severely and they listened to him. Angel knew that he had believed her earlier but he was over eighty and almost crippled by arthritis so he was hardly going to be able to jump from a train. Then at last she was at the door and she pulled it back against its lock. A good two inches let her feel the blast of air and she gulped it thankfully but already she had the handle of the bucket in her hand and she eased it through the crack and reached for the latch. Angel had studied the latch on the door when they had been bundling them inside but it was only designed to keep cattle in and it was easy. She caught it first try with the handle and the door slid open to reveal the rushing darkness outside. ‘What are you doing?’ a man demanded. ‘I’m jumping from the train,’ she said loudly. ‘If anybody else wants to join me now’s your chance.’ ‘You’ll be killed,’ said a woman. ‘Don’t be so stupid.’ ‘I’ve done it before, if you relax and roll you should be okay,’ she said. ‘We’ll all be punished for letting you escape,’ said the woman. ‘Don’t let her go.’ And immediately strong arms were holding her from behind. ‘Just lock the door after me,’ she said not bothering to struggle, the man holding her was too strong. ‘They won’t check the individual cars.’ ‘No!’ shouted a man and others were agreeing with him now and Angel could see her chance slipping away. ‘Let the child go,’ came Rabbi Ariel’s wonderful voice…a voice that had once captivated a synagogue. ‘I said let her go!’ The hands holding her slipped away. She looked at him and nodded. ‘Go my child and may God protect you,’ he said. ‘Quickly now, the train is slowing for a bend.’ ‘And God be with you all,’ she said and arms wrapped around her head she hurled herself into the darkness.

Defeat of the Kraal

Nicholas Walker — Fri, 07 May 2021 00:32:16 +0000

Lorrinda banged her staff of office on the ground to bring everyone to order and everybody fell silent, even the Probationers stopped whispering among themselves impressed at the seriousness of the occasion. ‘Kimba,’ said Lorrinda in her serious voice, ‘you have made the complaint, step into the ring.’ Kimba drew her sword, laid it on the ground and stepped forward into the sandy circle facing the five council members who were sitting on a half-circle of rocks which had been covered with sheepskins. ‘Who is it you wish to make a complaint against?’ said Lorrinda. ‘Tom,’ she said clearly. ‘Step into the ring please Tom,’ said Lorrinda putting the please in because it was Tom. Tom laid his sword of office on the ground and stepped in alongside Kimba. He gave her a smile but she wouldn’t look at him. ‘Name your complaint,’ said Lorrinda. ‘Well, as you all know we’ve been tasked to find any mines or quarries still working,’ said Kimba. ‘It hasn’t been easy, all the Kraal have retreated into the Citadel and we have been out for weeks!’ She took a look around at the huge circle of staring eyes and took a deep breath her anger driving her on: ‘My party finally found a mine right up in the North, twenty miles away or more…it was perfect, just what we had all been looking for.’ ‘Yes, we all know this,’ said Lorrinda. ‘What’s your complaint?’ ‘Well, Tom and Jessica are leading a party against them tomorrow and they have refused to let me even come along…not to lead it but to even come along!’ she thrilled. ‘They are not even taking my group!’ ‘We can’t take your group if you’re not there to lead them,’ sighed Tom, ‘they won’t respond to me as they do to you…we are taking our own groups because it is safer.’ ‘Well, let me lead them in then!’ snapped Kimba. ‘You can come along. My group knows exactly where the mine is and we’ve thoroughly reconnoitred the whole area. It should be us!’ ‘Are we really going to do this?’ demanded Tom. ‘There isn’t a person here who doesn’t know why we won’t let you go.’

The Way To Wimbledon

Nicholas Walker — Fri, 07 May 2021 00:20:43 +0000

Going Crackers in Kuwait

Nicholas Walker — Sat, 26 Sep 2020 20:40:45 +0000

One day we were going to a big market in Kuwait City. I was sitting in the front with Emad driving and in the back were Tammy and Steve, the English couple from the school. We were going through the outskirts and it was quite busy with pedestrians everywhere, almost like a Western city except the people would tend to wander out into the street without warning. And the cars come to that. Suddenly my gaze became transfixed. I sat forward. ‘Hat!’ I shouted. ‘Hat! Hat! Hat!’ Emad stared at me a concerned expression on his face. ‘Dr Nick?’ he said. ‘Stop the car…quick! Quick!’ I shouted flinging the door wide. ‘Pick me up just up the road!’ I pointed ahead and took off up the street. I ran quietly as I could in and out of the milling crowds and came up right behind the tall black African. He was wearing this huge, turban shaped, leather hat…ooo, it was magnificent! It had strings and buckles and a peak! I leapt high in the air, swept it from his head and took off like Usain Bolt. There came an outraged cry from behind but much faster than I expected I heard feet pounding in pursuit and more worryingly, others seemed to be joining in. I cut off into the road putting the hat on my head for safe keeping and the cries from behind became even more outraged. Then, just when things were getting a mite fraught the Caddy swung alongside and Tammy was holding the door open for me. I dived in and waved the hat out the window at my pursuers. Of course, Tammy and Steve were English so they didn’t deign to comment on my entirely understandable actions and Emad was doing his best to look relaxed but he kept shooting glances at my new hat. It was the following day before he finally broke, ‘Dr Nick,’ he said chidingly, ‘if you had wanted a hat that badly I would have taken you somewhere and bought you one!’

The Autobiography of a Short, Fat, Ugly Man: Only the Brave

Nicholas Walker — Wed, 16 Sep 2020 01:39:40 +0000

On this particular day I was teaching pressure (kinda ironic considering) and I was going to use the elephant and high heels demonstration to show that the high heel does more damage to the floor…luckily for me Elizabeth always wore very high heels and we had an elephant costume in the store. I had got two of security guards to agree to come in dressed up in it towards the end of the lesson. I was talking around a bit making them laugh and suddenly Tony starts shouting out: ‘Oh! Oh! Oh!’ he rose to his feet. I sort of froze not knowing what was about to happen but the rest of the class did and just sort of gave a collective sigh. I always remember the one girl who calmly got to her feet and opened the window. What was about to happen was the most audacious, talented and exhilarating lesson I was ever going to witness in my whole life. ‘Oh sir…oh sir…oh sir…’ Tony shouted then he pushed his way into the centre of the horseshoe dragging his chair behind him. He briefly bent over double in pain then hastily clamboured up onto the chair and stuck his bottom out. There was a brief silence then a huge rasp of sound rent the air and I watched, listened and indeed smelled as Tony Wing played the whole of the British National Anthem without missing a note. I swear he could even manage to get the sounds to quaver as he let forth. After an extra chorus he was evidentially running out of air for he finally let it trail away in a sad little aria that perfectly brought the performance to a close. After that the elephant was a bit of an anti-climax.

Spiral Staircase

Nicholas Walker — Sat, 12 Sep 2020 00:26:43 +0000

The white shape stormed around the room thrashing against the walls, the floor, even the roof, again and again it hurled past the children until at last it seemed to sense there was someone there and it roared up in front of them. A blast of stinging cold air hit them like a fist, worse than any force ten gale. Disgusting went flying, howling with fear, but nobody could hear him above the appalling noise the Scream was making. The other children grabbed for the wall and managed to stay on their feet. The Scream seemed to look at them then it faded back a couple of feet, as though studying them from a different angle. Then even over all the din they heard the sound of the chapel clock next door chime 10.15. The Scream heard it too, for instantly it screeched right across the attic going faster and faster, then it seemed to spin round and round like a whirlwind becoming narrower and narrower and denser and denser until it became so dense that it actually became solid. 'It's turning into someone,' Victoria groaned. The shimmering form suddenly focused and became still and the white figure of a girl came into view. 'It's the girl from the room,' whispered Sally. 'The second one.' But no one answered, everything had suddenly become quiet and still because the ghost had started to walk! Slowly, precisely, the figure of the girl stepped towards them across the wooden floor and each footfall echoed making a noise much louder than the slight figure suggested. After what felt an age the figure reached the edge of the floor and she raised her head to stare at the children still pressed right back against the wall. Two blazing eyes that seemed to burn them in a cold blue flame seared across the room. Then the beautiful mouth in the beautiful face opened and a thin scream came out and the children screamed with her, and the scream dissolved her back into the white cloud that came hurtling towards them like a runaway lorry. Again and again the Scream hit them, buffeting them like they were in a hurricane, smashing them to the floor in a heap as it vented its fury. Suddenly it was quiet again and the stunned children risked a glance. The white figure of the girl had appeared again right beside them and stood glaring at them from only centimetres away. Victoria felt Disgusting whimpering at the bottom of the pile and a feeling of protectiveness reminded her she was in charge. Shaking, she forced herself to her feet, pushing her knees back so her quivering legs would support her. 'What do you want?' she said and her voice stumbled and fumbled with the words. The figure didn't reply, the blazing eyes mocking her. 'I said what do you want?' she said, her voice steadier. Then to Disgusting who was trying to reach her hand. 'It's all right, Dizzy.' She took a step forwards. 'You're frightening my brother,' she said and as she said it the white figure sprang forward and an almost solid hand slapped her across the face. 'Ow,' said Victoria, more annoyed than hurt. Now the Scream had started again and was hurtling around the children this time thumping and crashing into them, pushing down Daniel who was trying to stand up beside Victoria. But Victoria was already up and she forced herself to stay that way holding tightly on to the wall. 'Leave us alone!' she said bravely and letting go of the wall she stepped forward to face the girl. The Scream seemed to go mad and this time, concentrated on Victoria, hurtling round and round her once more closing up like a whirlwind, becoming tighter and tighter, only this time Victoria was in the middle. Daniel was now on his feet again and trying to grab her, but it was like trying to grab a waterfall, solid, but nothing to actually hold on to. The Scream's howling rose even louder until it hurt their ears and then in a single split second it shot through the open doorway and away up the passageway and Victoria was gone with it.