The Autobiography of a Short, Fat, Ugly Man: Only the Brave

On this particular day I was teaching pressure (kinda ironic considering) and I was going to use the elephant and high heels demonstration to show that the high heel does more damage to the floor…luckily for me Elizabeth always wore very high heels and we had an elephant costume in the store. I had got two of security guards to agree to come in dressed up in it towards the end of the lesson.

I was talking around a bit making them laugh and suddenly Tony starts shouting out:

‘Oh! Oh! Oh!’ he rose to his feet. I sort of froze not knowing what was about to happen but the rest of the class did and just sort of gave a collective sigh. I always remember the one girl who calmly got to her feet and opened the window.

What was about to happen was the most audacious, talented and exhilarating lesson I was ever going to witness in my whole life.

‘Oh sir…oh sir…oh sir…’ Tony shouted then he pushed his way into the centre of the horseshoe dragging his chair behind him. He briefly bent over double in pain then hastily clamboured up onto the chair and stuck his bottom out. There was a brief silence then a huge rasp of sound rent the air and I watched, listened and indeed smelled as Tony Wing played the whole of the British National Anthem without missing a note. I swear he could even manage to get the sounds to quaver as he let forth.

After an extra chorus he was evidentially running out of air for he finally let it trail away in a sad little aria that perfectly brought the performance to a close.

After that the elephant was a bit of an anti-climax.